It's been a month...

... since my last entry. I've been receiving lots of queries in different forms (sms, email, phone calls, instant messages, even one particular comment in my previous entry) regarding my return to blogosphere.... Sorry for not writing earlier - but there are reasons for my absence... Anyway - thanks for all the support so far - and yes, I would very much like all of you to continue reading my blog... Since I'm in sort of "thanking mood", I would like to take this opportunity to thank all who had attended my wedding, for sharing that moment with me. (Yes, that includes you Moontari, Nectar & family, Kit & Althie, Jordan & Leen, Derex & Sarini... ) For those I missed seeing on my kenduri - sorry for not greeting you personally that day - it was such a large crowd and I was... well, busy... As for the rest - thank you all for the warm wishes, prayers, emails and loads of sms ;-) It's not like I don't want to write earlier, but... (a) Probably due to some new ministries moving in to Parcel E in Putrajaya, the internet connection at my office was really really bad for the first two week after my return to the office. Could not even check on my email properly as the connection kept being disrupted every so often. Attempts to blog always made me felt even more frustrated, since blogspot somehow appeared to have forgotten my blog's existence. (b) Taking 10 days leave usually means the same thing to most people upon return to the office - you'll find your desk full with matters to attend to URGENTly. Not to mention heavily flooded e-mailbox(es) (c) I am now staying in Taman Rasah, Seremban. In term of distance, Seremban-Putrajaya is not that much different from Petaling Jaya-Putrajaya. However, the vast difference in toll charges (used to pay RM4 daily to & fro, now it's RM11 daily) was among the factor which I considered in deciding to car pool with another senior officer who's staying in Taman Rasah Jaya. Since he's the one who drives daily (I just pay some monthly token), I have to join him going back at about 5.00 pm daily as opposed to 6.00 pm or 7.00 pm which I used to do. Last time, at least I have an hour or two after office hour I dedicated for my blog. Now, no more... (d) If I get to stay at home after work, maybe I could also blog from home. However, my darling husband is really really big on visiting relatives and family friends, so much so that my intention to blog from home has very little chance to be turned into reality. He started taking me to visit friends and family starting from the very night of our kenduri sambut menantu in Seremban. . In fact the one week leave I took after our wedding was fully utilised to visit family and friends. On that Monday right after our kenduri in Seremban - we managed to visit 11 houses all over Negeri Sembilan. 5 houses on Tuesday, another 5 on Wednesday, 2 houses on Thursday before our drive to Kedah, 3 houses all over Kedah on Friday followed by another 5 on Saturday... Even after I started working, he insisted on taking me to at least 1 house each night, and more during weekend, up to 5 houses in a day. Yes, I must admit that it's tiring - blame it on the Negeri Sembilan's adat of "menyalang"... (e) And if he does not take me out to visit Pak this or Mak that or any of the many cousins (his mother has 36 still-alive siblings - from different mothers, since his late grandfather married more than one), I have to join him going for any of the religious classes that he joins or he conducts. But somehow someway, I'll keep on blogging insya Allah. For now, here's some pics - one each from my nikah night, the kenduri on my side, and the kenduri sambut menantu - for your view. ##### On my nikah night On my kenduri day (PJ) On kenduri sambut menantu day (Seremban)

Hiatus

A note to let you all know that I'll be away until the week after next, insya Allah...
Err... yes - it's due to the kenduri...
Tolong doakan semua sempurna, ye?

Take care and see you later, insya Allah

A short note

... to thank the moderator of Ujanailmu on his thoughtfulness. Your package of nicely wrapped and presentable kuih kesirat, (a traditional kuih of Negeri Sembilan which could have easily been mistaken for kerisik) was safely received yesterday. Thank you for your warm wishes and doa for me.

I am not sure whether linking my blog to Ujanailmu has helped Ujanailmu’s business in any way – but I know I would encourage my friends to give it a try. Many are no longer afraid to click and do their banking online. Many more should be encouraged to make book purchases online too.

Once again – thank you.

A few tips on preparing for an engagement

It’s quite funny to note that recently I’ve gotten lots of e-mail seeking advice and opinions on engagement or wedding preparation. Actually, I believe my preparation is one of the hastiest ever – a ‘proper’ preparation could take about 6 months or a year in advance, as suggested by this blogger.

For those who plan on getting engaged – good luck. I can share with you a little bit of my experience – but I may not be the best to disperse some advice since I only had two weeks to prepare for my engagement (that’s exactly why I had to loan a friend’s jubah instead of wearing my own baju on that day).

Here’s a few tips on engagement – as requested by a few friends and readers :

* Seek your parents’s advice – especially your mom. You might be the one who’s getting engaged but your parents would want to be involved – so go seek their opinions on this and that – the ring, the theme of the hantaran and stuff. In my case, the engagement ring was bought in the presence of both his mom and Mak just to make both mothers feel more involved.

* The engagement ring could be a simple band or a ring with diamond or other stones. You have the options of sending first a cincin tanda during merisik and later send another proper cincin tunang or just simply choose between sending a cincin risik or a cincin tunang. It’s your engagement – you choose. For those in Putrajaya – Habib Jewels in Alamanda is currently selling diamond V-ring (with white or yellow gold) at RM295 (normal price RM590), which I think is nice and reasonable enough to be used as an engagement ring.

* Keep it simple and within your financial budget. The hantaran could be less than those for wedding – 3, 5 or 7 dulangs are sufficient. Usually it is headed by the engagement ring (for the guys) and tepak sirih, followed by other dulangs comprising potpourri/bunga rampai, chocolate, sweets, cake or other forms of manisan. But in my case – Mak insisted on giving more significant gifts – so, of the 7 dulang we gave in return of my fiance’s 5, four were akin to hantaran normally sent during wedding – a pair of leather formal shoes; perfume & toiletries set; belt, wallet & pen set; shirt, tie, tie pin & cuff link set. Knowing this in advance, my fiancé also gave me a pair of jubah, a sejadah & a nice woollen shawl. Don’t forget to discuss with your partner – just so that the hantaran would be somewhat balanced.

* Once you have set the numbers of dulangs to be exchanged, stick to it. Once a friend was advised by her partner that his family would bring 7 dulang. On the actual day, they came with 11. Her family had to frantically made up additional 4 dulang - which made the occassion a really kelam kabut lintang pukang one. Try to avoid that, okay?

* Add your personal touches. Pick a few aspects of the engagement and make them personalised – the personal touch can make it more memorable and pleasant, even after the function was over. I did the fruit basket for the hantaran myself – and was very pleased to note that that particular basket was in mint condition and used as a home décor object at his house when my family visited his family for Raya.

* Keep the calendar and to-do lists together. Your to-do lists are time sensitive and while you mark the calendar with the times and dates of appointments, you can also update your to-do lists. What I mean by to-do lists, huh? Stuff such as borrowing or buying the dulang hantaran, get the gubahan hantaran ready, getting the outfits ready, ensuring there’s film in the camera or a new tape for the videocam, etc.

So there. Hope this could be of help.

Lulur at Home

Preparing for a wedding can be really, really taxing. I’m experiencing it first hand. Being the eldest and the only girl in the family has its disadvantages – and this is one of it. I can’t rely on elder brothers or sisters to take care of stuff. My youngest brother Adik is still studying in Jordan and Abang, well – he has a lot on his hands right now. Mak and Ayah of course have their own roles, especially regarding the make-over of our home, the kenduri food and canopies. Apart from those, I attend to most of the preparation which translates into lots of stuff – from choosing the outfits, distributing (and posting) invitation cards, buying flowers for the whole house (pelamin, bilik pengantin, the stairs, high table), buying the bed set for the bilik pengantin, bla bla bla down to the teeny meeny tiny stuff as getting the tiny roses made from satin ribbons and sewing them onto my flower girls’ dresses. Yes, I do them myself. A few married friends expressed their concerns – “Why don’t you pamper yourself, just go for facial or spa. You have to think about these things too, you know? You’ll want to look your best on your big day.” Ok, honestly speaking, going for a facial treatment is a foreign concept to me. I don’t wear make-up. I don’t even wear lipstick and I don’t do facial. I just rely on the basic cleanse-tone-moisturise regime daily. Occasionally I’ll put on a facial mask to give my face some extra ‘lift’. So, I’m still undecided about doing this facial thingy. Spa, though, is another thing. I’ve tried sauna, aromatherapy steam bath, massage with essential oil and all. But of course, I have a budget to worry about and can’t afford that many costly days at the spa. Fortunately, a girl I met at a beauty salon was kind enough to share some tips and secrets on mandi lulur (body scrub) so that I can do it myself at home. By knowing these tips, the girl told me, I could save up to a few hundred ringgits since I can do exactly the same thing at home for a lot lesser than what they normally charge at the beauty house. I’m sharing the tips and secrets here - hope it can help other bakal pengantin on a tight budget too. The equipments: Long handled bath brush Small towel to be used as wash cloth A bath tub Dry towels 2” paint brush The ingredients: Olive oil – massage oil, not the extra virgin olive oil Italians use for cooking. Lulur Mas Sinangling (Mustika Ratu) Kulit Rambai Powder (Bunga Tanjung) Lulur Mas Sinangling soap (Mustika Ratu) Mangir Powder (Mustika Ratu) UHT Low fat milk Essential aromatic oils 1. Gently lather the olive oil on your feet and body. Massage in circular motions from your feet upward. This will help to smoothen and soften the skin as well as help causing less pain during scrubbing. 2. Mix two packets of Lulur Mas Sinangling and a packet of Kulit Rambai powder with sufficient water to make a paste. Apply on whole body. Wait until partly dry and then gently scrub with the small dry towel in a circular motion, rubbing off the powder. This will exfoliate dead skin cells, cleanse the pores, activate lymphatic circulation and boost the elimination of toxins. Use the long handled bath brush to reach your back - slough off the dead skin cells with wide circular strokes. 3. Rinse with warm water and use the Lulur Mas Sinangling soap to get rid of the yellowish excesses. Pat dry your body. 4. Mix Mangir powder with sufficient water to make a paste. Apply on whole body using the paintbrush. Wait until almost dry and the flakes start to fell on their own. Gently rub off the powder. Mangir has a whitening effect on the skin apart from making the skin softer, smoother and it helps eliminating body odour. 5. Mix two cartons of UHT low fat milk with sufficient warm water in the bathtub. Add in essential oils to suit your mood and purpose. Soothing oils such as lavender and chamomile help to unwind after a particular busy period. Stimulating oils such as rosemary and citrus fruit helps to revitalize and energize. 6. Soak in, rest and relax. You can put on a facial mask and soothe your eyes with used teabags or thin cucumber slices – yes, they do help in relieving soreness and puffiness. This is a weekly treat. For daily purposes, just use those lulur scrubs in bottle (Puteri Binari, Temulawak or anything - they are nicer in smell than Lulur Mas Sinangling and don’t leave yellowish excesses but perhaps not as effective in exfoliating the dead skin cells). You can tell the difference after three weeks – the skin is softer, smoother and more radiant. Why don't you give it a try and find out for yourself ;-)

It feels just right

Assalamualaikum wrt Dear A, Thank you for being my reader. When I started blogging about my wedding preparation – apart from writing about something that’s close to my heart, I was also hoping that my blog could benefit my readers in any way – and I’m glad to note that you claimed my jottings as ‘insightful’. You asked me how did I end up deciding that this is the Guy. I’m sorry to disappoint you – but, no, we did not just click on the first conversation. No, there wasn’t any electricity sparks in the air when we first met. No, there was no somersault in the tummy when we first went out together. Contrary to your belief – I was not all that confident about marrying this guy in the first place. Even on the morning of our engagement day, I had some fear that his rombongan might not even turn up for the occasion. In fact, less than a month ago, I was so mad at him about something that I almost asked him to call off the wedding. (As someone had wisely pointed out before – yes, tempers do fly during these times…) Yes, I guess you can say that I’ve agreed to marry a stranger. How much could one learn about another in a month’s time, anyway? Yet, we were engaged exactly a month after we first met. And mind you – we did not even talk to each other the first time he came to my house. I put my trust in Allah’s guidance through istikharah, solat hajat and lots of doa’. I put my trust in my gut feeling that this is the Guy – regardless of all the missing ‘signs’ in the first instance. Well, you know, those ‘signs’ such as the sparks, somersaults in the tummy and all. I put my trust in both family’s blessings. Like my auntie reminded me time and time again – I’m not only going to be someone’s wife, I am also going to take up the role and responsibilities as someone else’s new daughter, sister, aunt, grand daughter – in his family. Having his family’s blessings right from the very beginning is insya Allah, a good sign. Most importantly - it feels just right. Like many other girls my age, I’ve had my shares of crushes and admirers and even some marriage proposals. Like many others too, I’ve known what it felt to be rejected and did some rejection too. Somehow, my previous relationships had never worked well. The longest lasting relationship that I had was too turbulent, and despite having deep and mutual feelings for each other, he ended up marrying another. Tak ada jodoh… As for the rest – they never felt just quite right. I guess sometimes we gotta go through the bad to get to the good… There was an insistent friend who kept asking me out for a few years and persistent enough to actually introduce himself to my parents – but I could not rid the feelings that we’re meant to be just buddies and not more. There was a colleague with whom I had great chemistry with – but I worried about his lack of commitment as a practising Muslim. Then, there was a guy who seemed like the most eligible bachelor - stable job with good pay, no living parents, no dependents, good looking, athletic build, et cetera – but trust was a major issue between us. Certainly I don’t want to spend the rest of my life - or a large portion of it - with someone I cannot trust, right? With my fiancé though, it feels just right. At first I was rather blasé, since I’d learned that once, he was almost engaged to another but called it off at the last minute - so I put up some emotional shield of some sort, made up my mind not to fall easily for him.... However, over the time, he crumbled my defences bits by bits with his words, his actions, his gifts. He made it a point to know about my favourite things to gain cookie points here and there. While other guys might have wooed me with more expensive gifts; knowing my soft spots for postcards, he entrusted into my care his own collection of postcards from Middle East. While others had insisted on taking me out to posh restaurants; knowing my curiosity to taste something new and different, he took me out for lunch at a restaurant which served among others - landak, rusa and kijang. It feels just right because to me, he knows how to show that he respects and cherishes me. It also feels right because it's easy for us to accept each other as who we are. While being graduates from different parts of the world means that there are obvious differences in thoughts and opinions, we discovered that we actually have a lot in common - we both believe in certain principles, we both want certain similar things in life and we share a few similar likes and dislikes. As for differences, we are now learning to tolerate those, as well as try to learn from and with each other. No, there was no spark initially - but as I learn more about him, I learn to like, respect and grow fonder of him with each passing day. No, there were no butterflies in my tummy when we first met - but now somehow, my heart automatically makes a double flip-flop of joy when he sometimes appears for a surprise visit. You said that you could not bring yourself to say 'yes' to a friend who’s expressed his wish to marry you. You have made up so many excuses and you felt that it might be a sign that you are not willing to accept him. You also talked about some ‘preset qualifications’ that you have after indulging in so many romance novels, films and all – about how he should be someone who can read, understand and practice the Quran and Hadiths, taller than you, of medium build, doesn’t smoke, and most importantly, he must be able to treat your family and friends well. Well, different people go through different kind of experiences, and yours might make an even more interesting read than mine... Still, I would support you to trust your gut feeling (istikharah-aided, of course). If it tells you that this is not the guy – then, insya Allah maybe the time will come later for you to feel that it is "just right" when the right person comes along.. As for the preset qualifications – well, just learn to distinguish the ‘must-have’ and the ‘nice-to-have’. Nobody will be able to fulfil all the ‘qualifications’ – thus, it’s important to note that the ‘must-have’ are fulfilled first before the ‘nice-to have’. After all, qualities such as practising Muslims, integrity, honesty, loyalty, patience and trustworthy are often considered more important than say, a guy who owns a condominium in prime area, receives monthly fat pay cheques with good look… And when you finally meet your Guy – try to highlight his strength rather than concentrating on his weaknesses - because at the end of the day, since we may not get what we like, it's important that we learn to like what we get... But more importantly – it has to feel just right. You’ll know how it feels when it happens. Seriously. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Taqabballahu minna wa minkum.

Binding Old Ties

It never hit me how news of an impending wedding could really bind some distant and old friends together until today

This morning I got a surprise call – from a long lost childhood friend.

“Heard that somebody is getting married…”

“Err… yup. Who’s on the line, please?”

“Your old friend in Kulim.. We used to go to Sekolah Tunku Abdul Malik together…”

Ok – I know one of my fellow PTD who used to go to the same primary school. But this guy did not sound like him at all…

“Err… Is this Zul?”

“Nope. This is Mat”

“Mat? Which Mat?”

“Alaaa…. Mat… Mat la… Ingat tak – hat orang dok panggil Mat Sentul tu… sebab suka buat kelolol macam Mat Sentul…”

Ok, I remember having a buddy called Ajim – but Mat Sentul?

“Is this Ajim?”

“No, I am Ajim’s friend. Laaa… hang tak ingat ka?”

“Err… hang ingat lagi ka?

“Laa… awat pulak tak ingat. Dok main sama-sama, pi sekolah sama.. Mana boleh tak ingat”

By then, I felt so guilty for not remembering him when he obviously remembers me.

“Your Ayah just left the house, after inviting our family…”

Oh… Ayah went back to Kulim on an emergency – to visit one of my great uncles who had to be rushed to the hospital and warded due to some heart and diabetes related problems. He brought a lot of the invitation cards – to be distributed to former neighbours.

“Congratulations. So good to know that you are doing well now. I would really like to attend the wedding of my childhood friend. You can count on me coming. I won’t miss this for anything.”

I was touched. So glad that at least a childhood friend remembers me in fondness… I’ve always thought of myself as a somewhat terrible friend because I’ve never kept in touch with any of my childhood friends in Kulim after I moved to PJ years ago… I wonder though, since he claimed that I used to hang out with him a lot, how could I’ve forgotten a friend with such an interesting nickname like Mat Sentul?

#####

Later in the afternoon, by mere chances, I found out that another friend will be having his kenduri soon too. We used to be quite close in Leeds and I’d been trying to get his address to invite him to my wedding. I obtained his e-mail address from another friend and quickly sent him an email, teasing him for not informing me about his big day.

His reply was prompt, starting with:

“I’ve been searching high and low for you… Finally we meet again, alhamdulillah. I’ve tried calling you numerous times, but the number I had is no longer in service. So, I felt a bit at a loss, but honestly, I really, really remember you…”

It was quite easy for me to believe him - because I’d been trying to do exactly the same thing; searching high and low, just so that I get to invite him to my kenduri.

It turned out that we won’t be able to attend each other’s wedding after all – our respective kenduri will be held on the same day.

Great minds think alike, huh?

Playing 20 questions

... could be an effective tool in getting to know each other, especially when you don't know your future life partner all that well prior to your engagement.

Apart from checking on my memorization of the Quran (Juz Amma actually, beginning from easy surahs like An-Nas onwards), my fiancé insists on us playing 20 questions almost on a daily basis. He realised that we did not know much about each other prior to our engagement and he insisted on us getting to know as much as we could about each other in the short span of time we have before our wedding. Hence - playing 20 questions...

In the beginning, he did most of the asking – at that time, I was still busy trying to acknowledge him in my mind as the guy I’d agreed to spend the rest of my life with. I simply echoed his questions, but gradually I came out with my own list of queries. Nowadays, we neither put a limit on the number of questions nor limit the time to answer – one could always mull on a difficult question and revert to the other the next day or whenever we feel like answering it.

The questions vary – from mundane queries such as “Which flavour of tom yam do you like most?” and “Do you like fruity chewing gum?” to serious topics on financial-related matters, household chores distribution, how to handle it if one of us get affected by a terminal disease, which couple we look up to as model for a stable relationship, how to discipline and befriend our future children, etc.

I’d been advised by many to have an MoU of some sort with him prior to the wedding.
“Chances are he’ll try to please you now – and you can hold to some of his sweet promises later on in life,” a friend said. Still, somehow I tried not to make him promise lots of things during our 20-questions sessions. For me, what’s more important is that somehow playing 20 questions with each other give us time to know each other better, to focus on what our future marriage will mean to us as individuals, as a couple, as a family.

I found setting aside time to actually talk things out, to better understand each other’s expectations, helps us both to separate myth from reality. Yes, we had had our fair shares of disagreements – and I am expecting more to come in the future – yet no matter how differently we talk, look at things, solve problems, fight - it always boil down to one conclusion – our differences are the reasons we can complement each other so well.

I used to pray to meet a partner with whom I have enough in common and enough differences so that we can indulge in similar interests together yet never tire of learning from each other.

Now, I’m discovering with each passing day that I might have met just the right person…

One of The Sweetest Things

... he'd done was singing along to our song in my car while I was driving. While his recital of the Quran is rather soothing, his singing is.. err... let's just say that if he were to join Malaysian Idol, he would be one among the many to be dismissed easily in the first trial session.

The truth is, girls keep score differently than guys. I know this sounds so much like what John Gray wrote in his book and yes, I do enjoy reading his Mars-Venus series. I just can't help agreeing that for most women, every gift of love scores equally with every other gift, regardless of size. But most men are content concentrating on big gifts - providing a home, paying for the car, buying groceries, paying for the kids education - forgetting that little expressions of love are just as important. Stuff like offering a massage, hugging, listening to her attentively, washing her car, giving small gifts of flowers or chocolates, surprising her with love notes, or taking time to memorise a mutual favorite song and singing along to it...

It's sweet of him because I know he deosn't memorise that many songs. And it's sweet of him because I know that he knows that I know he can't sing all that well, but he tried anyway. Of course there are many other sweet things that he'd done - but because I seriously did not see that coming, the surprise element of that sing-along session made it something not easily forgotten...

Here's the lyrics of our song - performed by InTeam in their latest album, InTeam '04.

Doa Seorang Kekasih

Oh Tuhan, seandainya telah Kau catatkan
Dia milikku, tercipta untuk diriku
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan

Ya Allah, ku mohon
Apa yang telah Kau takdirkan
Ku harap dia adalah yang terbaik buatku
Kerana Engkau tahu segala isi hatiku
Pelihara daku dari kemurkaanMu

Ya Tuhanku, yang Maha Pemurah
Beri kekuatan jua harapan
Membina diri yang lesu tak bermaya
Semaikan setulus kasih di jiwa

Ku pasrah kepadaMu
Kurniakanlah aku
Pasangan yang beriman
Bisa menemani aku
Supaya ku dan dia
Dapat melayar bahtera
Ke muara cinta yang Engkau redhai

Ya Tuhanku, yang Maha Pengasih
Engkau sahaja pemeliharaku
Dengarkan rintihan hambaMu ini
Jangan Engkau biarkan ku sendiri

Achooo....

(sniff, sniff)…alhamdulillah… Achooo… Achooo… Achooo (sniff, sniff)... alhamdulillah

That’s pretty much how it goes since seven this morning. Sneezing, sniffing, sneezing, sniffing… my tissue box is getting half empty fast… My temperature is rising and I am beginning to have a sore throat.

No, I haven’t been indulging in any playing-in-the-rain session although I must admit I was sorely tempted to do so at times, especially during those days I stay with my uncle and young cousins in Putrajaya.

No, I haven’t been taking that many iced drinks, I’ve always like taking lots of lukewarm plain water during the fasting month.

No, the air-cond in the office is not that cold – it’s set at 23 degrees Celcius – which is a lot better than some offices where the air cond temperature is set at 18 degrees or below…

Besides, I was a-okay last night. I didn’t see this coming. Really... achooo... achooo... achooo..

“Ujian Allah tu A.Z. – kalau nak datang tak tentu masa. Sabarlah. Kifarah dosa kot,” a friend consoled upon seeing my red nose and reddened face.

Hmm… this is after all the month of rahmah & maghfirah – so I’ll go along with the idea of being sick as a sin cleanser of some sort. At least, that's a consoling thought...

My boss had just asked me to prepare some memo and letter. The letter is okay – a basic one which I already have a template and was done in no time… The memo however is something else, forcing me to think deeply on how to word certain arguments… And now my head is starting to throb as well… Thus, I'd decided to rest and blog for a while…

Right after I’m done with the memo, I’m going to the clinic, insya Allah….

By the way Uda – if you are reading this – where’s that nice plate of hot mee hailam when I need it most? Tapi… puasa la pulak…

The Photographer

It’s not that easy to get a wedding photographer less than two months before one’s wedding. Or rather, it’s not that easy to secure the service of a highly recommended photojournalist two months before one’s wedding.

One of the best wedding photojournalists around would be none other than the Senior Photographer of Her World magazine - Ikram Ismail. His normal rate is RM250 per roll, with minimum of 4 rolls. But if you have been recommended by a previous client of his – you may get a good discount – up to just RM880 for four rolls. The package includes raw images in 4R size and a storyboard album with studio-quality photos of various sizes in colours, black-and-white as well as sepia, catching the essence of any particular kenduri. This guy is in great demand and must be booked many, many months in advance.

A noteworthy budding wedding photojournalist is Zulkarnain Hassan a.k.a Angah. I really, really love his pics and his rate is really affordable, beginning from RM400 for 100 images. His package includes raw images in 4R size in nice albums, a CD of the images and some 8R size studio-quality photos in wooden frames. His work could be seen here. A pity he’s already been booked to attend a wedding in JB on the date of my akad nikah and kenduri.

I must also admit that I admire Kid Chan’s work – yes, he of the exclusive Potrait One Photographers. There’s nothing wrong with admitting my admiration although I know that I can’t afford that particular package I really like, right?

One can always consult their recently married friends for recommendations of wedding photojournalists. But if all else fails, then, there are many wedding photographers ready to offer their service who could be found in and around Medan Mara, Pertama Complex and various photo studios. The normal charge is about RM150 per roll, with a minimum of 3 rolls plus some extras if the reception is held out of the town. I peeked at some portfolios and thought that a few are quite okay even if they are not as impressive as Ikram Ismail’s or Kid Chan’s. But hey, that’s the reason why they cost so differently, right?

It doesn’t take a pair of trained eyes to notice the difference between highly professional and semi-professional photography. When I attended Jue’s wedding in Kelantan about two months ago, I have seen how the photographer cleverly guided the newly wed couple for prompted shots. The end results, I must admit look natural and professionally handled. The photos Jue and her husband took for the sambut menantu kenduri in PJ though were something else – they looked rather stiff despite all the cheery genuine smiles. “The photographer did not guide us as thoroughly as the one in KB did,” Jue explained as I flipped the pages of her wedding albums, remarking on how different they looked on the two separate occassions.

While my fiancé doesn’t believe in spending a small fortune (“Our friends and family can take our pictures for free right?”) for a wedding photographer, I’ve consulted many friends and majority of them recommended hiring a professional. “Consider it a long term investment. This is something you want to share with your kids, insya Allah, with your menantu, your cucu…This is something you want to keep for life,” a friend advised.

Okay maybe my dearest fiancé has a valid point in pointing out that our wedding is just a one-day event to start our adventure together for the rest of our lives and if possible, it’s better to save what we can for the future. Still, I’m a sucker for beautiful photos. In fact, I’m simply a sucker for any kind photos, beautiful or otherwise. And I really, really want the essence of our big day to be nicely, naturally, professionally captured on photos.

Thus, I finally settled on hiring a photographer from Pertama Complex, who was personally recommended by a clerk in my office’s Administration department – which resulted in me getting a special discount. While I must admit that his portfolio is not as impressive as Ikram’s or Angah’s – I consoled myself that at least he’s willing to listen to my wish of must-take shots and even willing to take a look at other people’s photos to get a better understanding of my wish.

After some sort of research - browsing through friends’ and colleagues’ wedding albums, browsing the net for suggestions - I've just compiled a list of must-take shots. Of course these are apart from the obligatory photos on the pelamin – the bride and groom together, the couple with her parents, the couple together with his parents, the couple with all parents, the couple with her entire immediate family, the couple with his entire immediate family, the couple with immediate family members from both sides, the couple with both pengapits, the couple with her extended family members, the couple with his extended family members, the couple with guests insisting on having a picture together on the pelamin and on and on and on…

Here’s my personal list of crucial moments I hope not to be missed by my photographer – please let me know if I should add more, in case I’ve left some important moments…

Majlis Akad Nikah
- The groom before the akad
- The bride before the akad
- The signing of the last few forms in front of the Kadhi
- Ayah before akad (he’s going to do the akad himself)
- Ayah as he utter the akad
- The groom as he utter the lafaz nikah
- The groom as he is about to start the solat sunat
- The groom putting on the ring
- Close up of the hands as the groom slips the ring onto the bride’s finger
- Close-up of the bride kissing the groom’s hand
- Close-up of the groom kissing the bride’s forehead
- The group family picture after the akad

The Kenduri
- Shot from outside the house, the canopy and all
- The preparation by caterer, orang dapur & other last minute touch up on this and that
- The Marhaban group in action
- The bride getting ready/made up
- Mak helping the bride out with last minute stuff like checking on the selendang
- Ayah whispering last minute advice as he kisses the bride’s forehead
- The bride checking herself out in the mirror
- Detail of clothing, shoes, the invitation card, the ring, the bridal bouquet
- Detail of the hantaran, bilik pengantin, pelamin, bunga pahar
- Some touching shot with Mak, Ayah, Abang, Adik, cousins, uncles, aunties, grandma
- The bride with her pengapit
- The groom with his pengapit
- A rear shot of the bride standing, looking down one side at the floral bouquet in her hand
- Some touching shots of the groom with his family as they wait for the kompang procession to begin.
- Close up of the groom’s adorably nervous stance before the procession begin
- Close up of the bride’s nervous posture as the procession nears her house
- The flower girls laughing and grinning among themselves
- The kompang boys as they ketuk the kompang vigorously and sang loudly under the hot sun
- Flower girls happily leading the procession
- The procession
- Guests whispering to each other as they watch the procession
- Wide shot of the guests from the procession’s point of view.
- Close up of the hands holding firmly as the bride and groom proceeds
- Bride and groom at the head table for makan beradat (or is it makan berhadap?)
- All guests at the head table
- Detail of special bunga telur, goblets and food item on the head table from side view
- Close up of the groom and bride feeding each other
- Detail of the wedding cake and the cake table
- Bride and groom cutting the cake
- Bride and groom feeding each other the cake
- Congrats shots – bride and groom hugging, laughing, crying, and accepting well wishes and handshakes from close friends and family.
- Bride’s and groom’s parents chatting with each other
- Kids playing and messing around with the bunga telur, the canopy, the pelamin or something
- Bride laughing or giggling with her pengapit
- Groom with his arm affectionately around his pengapit
- Bride and groom chatting up guests

The Procedures

Different states in Malaysia set different procedures for a man or woman to apply for “kebenaran bernikah” – some sort of a marriage licence for Muslims. Different forms, different supporting documents, different requirements for photos, copies of supporting documents and what-nots.

Of course, there are certain things that are required in every state – all applicants must have gone through the compulsory pre-marriage course and all must fill up some forms of some sort stating their intention to marry or their consent to a marriage. It gets a little bit more complicated when one of the parties involved is a newly-convert or from outside the country. Recently, a friend who is a newly-convert had to wait for a few days to be called to the Jabatan Agama office so that she could be married off by the kadhi (as wali hakim) on duty.

Both my fiancé and I had attended the compulsory pre-marriage course a few years ago. He got the necessary certificate when he was still a student in Egypt. I attended the course during my diploma days in INTAN simply because it was cheap (the fees was RM10 as opposed to RM80 if one were to attend it elsewhere). Both of our certificates are valid with no time limit.

In order for me to apply for the ‘kebenaran bernikah’, he had to complete the necessary procedures on his part first. He got all the necessary documents done in about a week’s time – including getting a letter from the principal of the school where he's teaching proclaiming he's still single and is currently teaching there. He even filled up some unnecessary blanks in the form. (He did not need to get my wali’s signature because that’s only a must if the form was filled up by a girl from Negeri Sembilan). An uncle remarked – "ah, that young man would look for any opportunity just to see you." Well, he did travelled by motorbike to Putrajaya all the way from Seremban just to pass the document to me when he could actually just send them over by post or courier. ;-)

Once he got the 'kebenaran bernikah' letter and posted all the necessary forms and supporting documents over to me, he kept asking me to get all the forms on my part to be processed accordingly as quickly as possible. I was too busy at work and kept dilly-dallying it for about a week until last Monday, when I took some time to fill up the necessary forms neatly in black ink pen and got all the supporting documents in order.

Tuesday morning, I found out from Mak that Ayah had set an appointment to meet up with the Timbalan Kadhi for Petaling district a few minutes after he left the house. I quickly made a call.

“Ayah, there’s no point to just meet up without the forms and necessary documents.”

“Where are the forms and necessary documents ?”

“I have them with me”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?”
(Gulp… It was a matter of communications breakdown…. Really…)

I was planning to ask Ayah when exactly can we go and get all the necessary arrangement with the Pejabat Agama done and over with later that night. Ayah though, made the appointment with the Timbalan Kadhi without consulting me at all despite knowing that I was trying to get all the forms and necessary documents in order.

And it wasn’t that simple. Apart from the obligatory certificate of pre-marriage course, copies of my father’s, my two witnesses’ and my own identity cards, I also had to submit a copy of my father’s long lost surat nikah. Since I’m the eldest in the family, that means we also have to locate Ayah’s surat nikah with my biological mother to confirm that I’m my Ayah’s legitimate daughter. Since they had divorced over 20 years ago, both Ayah and my biological mother had lost their respective copy of surat nikah. So, Ayah had to obtain a certified true copy of that surat nikah from the respective office in Perlis.

And because the Penolong Pendaftar Nikah in our kariah (parish?) has recently retired, the forms had to be signed in front of an officer in Pejabat Agama Daerah. That means all of us – myself, Ayah and my two uncles who had agreed to be the witnesses – must go to sign the forms together at the Pejabat Agama.

So, that Tuesday morning, rather unexpectedly (I had to take an Emergency Leave), we all went to the Pejabat Agama Daerah Petaling in Shah Alam to get all the procedures completed, done and over with. Due to some headaches, an uncle had to be substituted by another to act as our witness. Alhamdulillah, we got it all done before lunch hour – signing the forms in front of the respective officer (who knows Ayah personally), got the Surat Kebenaran Bernikah after twenty minutes wait and straight away went to meet up with the Timbalan Kadhi (who knows my uncle personally) to add my wedding to his schedule.

Alhamdulillah - at least one matter was resolved. Still, honestly speaking, there’s nothing like a solemn ceremony to remind one of reality.

Before signing one particular form, I was asked by the officer to read out what was written in the form, in the presence of Ayah and my two uncles.

“In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. I, (my full name & IC number) hereby give the permission for my wali ( Ayah’s full name & IC number) to marry me off to (my fiancé’s full name & IC number) with the dowry of RM80.00 in cash”

A simple statement actually – but when proclaimed in a solemn ceremony made quite an impact on me… Can’t exactly explain how it actually felt as I uttered those words quietly in that small room but somewhere at the back of my head, a voice resonated: “This is it A.Z., you are REALLY into this now…”

Strange but true - after all the preparations that I have made – it wasn’t until that moment when I actually felt - ‘This is it…”

The Invitation Cards

I had had my heart set on having one particular design as my wedding invitation card – dark blue three-fold card with hot-stamped writings in silver. A friend told me that it only costs RM0.80 a piece in Medan Mara. She also showed me a sample of a similar design but tan in colour with writings in dark brown, which I also found very attractive. Hmm, simple, classy and not quite ordinary – just what I was looking for.

Apart from that, I’ve surveyed for wedding cards online – here, here and here. I even checked the outdated service directory they have here.

However, about three weeks ago, Mak had a spur-of-the-moment- decision to buy imported-from-Syria TBZ cards in Padang Besar. Thus, I didn’t get my wish of having that particular card I like sooo much as my wedding invitation card. Still, I still need to get the inlay and hot stamping done for these three-fold (at least I got that part of my wish ;-)) TBZ cards.

I called up everywhere and got quotations from everywhere. Along the process, I got better ideas on the wordings and the doa to be used in the inlay, how the map should be drawn and how I would like the hot stamping on the card front to appear. My cousin Firdhaus accompanied me as we spent hours in and around Medan Mara and Pertama Complex moving from one shop lot to another - comparing prices, hot stamping designs, workmanship, freedom of choice in designing my own inlay and what-nots.

Okay, I’m not getting any payment for this lil bit of promotion – but after my own experience of pleasant dealing with them, I would’ve recommended Cahaya Idaman Trading to anybody who would care to ask. Fair price, fine quality, good suggestions and they are very honest about their own handicaps – if any.

There are many shops in Medan Mara – Cahaya Idaman is tucked in between lots of tailors on the first floor. Turn left after the escalator – it’s somewhere in the middle of the shop lots on your right along the alley. They can be contacted at 03-2694 3045, in case you want to spare yourself from hours of walking and moving around Medan Mara. ;-)

So, now I'm off to Medan Mara to re-check on the artwork of my card.
Have a joyous iftar!

The Outfits

Someone once noted that it’s good to know somebody in the ‘andaman’ business personally.

I can agree with that.

My fiancé made a fuss over our wedding outfits even before we were formally engaged. Kept pestering me with questions such as what colour to wear, what exactly to wear, should we buy or rent, if we were to rent, where to rent, and so on and so forth. We ended up buying the materials for our wedding outfits two weeks before our engagement. Due to that, he was teased by some uncles – “kau ni tunang pun belum, baju kahwin dah beli…”

I’ve heard so many friends complained about how uncomfortable it is to wear songket on the big day that I’d decided not to rent any songket but to get my wedding dress personally tailored, made from other kinder-to-skin materials. There’s a clerk in my office who also has his own ‘andaman’ business, so I seeked his help when the time came for us to choose the materials. We also agreed on asking him to get all six pairs of our wedding attires tailored by his friend. That includes finding us all the accompanying 'necessaries' - songkok, kain samping, matching pairs of shoes, anak tudung, tudung, selendang, accessories, the works.

Since our skin colours are rather similar, choosing which colours to wear was not as complicated as deciding on what exactly to wear. At least on his side, it was okay – all three pairs to be turned into baju melayu cekak musang. No baju melayu johor, and at least one pair with five traditional butang baju melayu (the other two are with hidden butang behind exquisitely nicely decorated leher baju melayu).

As for me – he insisted on me wearing a jubah for the akad. For the kenduri, he’s okay with any style so long as they are ‘proper’ and cover my aurat accordingly.

“Can I wear baju kebaya then?”

“That’s fine with me.”

“Will it be okay with your family”

“Buatlah satu jubah...”

“Jubah tu kan untuk baju akad. Takkan tiga-tiga pasang pun jubah?”

“Okay, I’ll let you decide. I’ll support your decision so long as they are proper.”

Of course, him being an ustaz makes ‘proper’ a huge factor to be considered.

Thus, when I went to a friend’s place to borrow the dulang for the hantaran prior to my engagement day, I also borrowed a few copies of Malay women and bridal magazines. Mind you, for somebody who rarely flip through any kind of women (what more bridal) magazine, it was quite an amazing feat for me to studiously scrutinize all kind of bridal outfits featured in these magazines for a few days, trying to get some ideas on which style I should go for. Then, I seeked Mak’s views, seeked some friends’ opinions, listened to what the guy in the andaman business had to say and finally made my decision about it a week after the materials were bought.

So, insya Allah I’ll be wearing an off-white jubah for the akad, a lilac (or light purple for the uninitiated in colours who might claim that lilac is a flower, just like pumpkin is a fruit, not colour) pair of kebaya labuh for my kenduri and a pair of baby blue baju kurung moden for the sambut menantu kenduri.

=====

On another note, Ramadhan Karim to all my Muslim friends and readers. Let us make the most of this month of rahmah, mujahadah and barakah and may Allah bless us all always.

Selamat berpesta ibadah!

Your wedding is not your wedding exclusively…

…it could also be your mom’s or dad’s or the show for anybody else chipping in lots of to-do’s…

Perhaps it’s a (Malay?) girl’s dream come true if she gets to decide everything for her wedding and get everything done according to her plan. But alas, one rarely gets to do so…

Take the program tentative for an instance (which of course remains tentative until today…)

My idea was keeping it short and simple just like I’ve seen a few friends did it. The groom and his rombongan arrives around ten in the morning for the akad, then they will rest for a while in a rumah sanggah nearby, while the groom and the bride change into a different attire for the makan beradat. The groom and his rombongan go back to the bride’s house for the makan beradat, which will be followed by a cake-cutting ceremony. Then the groom’s rombongan can return home and the newlywed can start entertaining guests.

Ayah had another idea – have the akad in the morning with a simple meal of just nasi minyak or nasi beriani for the groom’s rombongan, but the real kenduri will be held later in the evening, from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. It’s cooler that way, and the atmosphere a bit more relaxed. We can set up a few hawker’s stalls so that we could serve different stuff – char kuey teow, mee rebus, roasted lamb along the customary nasi minyak or beriani and respective lauk.

Yet Mak had another idea – have the akad on the day before the kenduri with a simple meal of plain rice and kampung-style lauk served. Then, on the day of the kenduri itself, we can arrange for a Marhaban session in the morning, the groom and his family accompanied by a procession of kompang players to arrive at noon for the makan beradat, followed by the cake-cutting ceremony. The groom’s rombongan have to come to our place twice, but a few can opt whether to return home and come again or stay for one night at the rumah sanggah.

Mak wins, of course. That’s the reason why the date for nikah in my fiancé’s borang permohonan nikah is the date of the kenduri and not the (revised) date of the akad nikah ceremony.

The reason Mak insisted on having the Marhaban and kompang?

“Walimah kenalah meriah. Ikut hadis, ikut sunnah.”

“But Mak, we are not going to bersanding, so surely we can do away with the pelamin?”
After all, I plan on having a temporary floral arch in the garden for a photo spot.

“Biarlah ada pelamin… Saja suka-suka dengan adik beradik kita je”
Okay...

I think it’s not so much about Mak wanting to show off or anything – it’s just that she wants… no, needs to fulfil some of her own dreams. After all, parents do that – they dream about their eldest child’s wedding long before the child becomes a grown up…

After all, running the wedding is the last thing my parents (and uncles, aunties, cousins, great grandparents, bau-bau bacang relatives and all) can do for me before I officially take on the role of someone else’s isteri, menantu, cucu baru…

So, I’m going to sit back and let Mak do things her way – it is, after all, not just my wedding exclusively…

What made me said "Yes"...

… was a combination of a few factors - family, readiness and trust in istikharah. I get to know my fiancé through my parents. And it came with a stern warning from both Mak and Ayah – don’t mess up this time around. Well, I have turned down a few of my parents’ choices for all kind of ‘reasons’… One was way 'too old' (really! 23 years gap *gasps*), one was 'not confident' enough, another was 'not trustworthy' enough, yet another was 'too short', and so on and so forth… My fiancé was introduced to my Ayah through one Ustaz who’s checking Ayah’s and Mak’s Quran recital. This particular Ustaz has a bachelor’s degree from Al-Azhar, a hafeez Quran and has a certificate certifying him as somebody who learned the Quran from a long list of teachers starting from Rasulullah – in other words, “ada sanad Rasulullah”. It goes without saying that both Ayah and Mak have high respect for this Ustaz, despite his young age and all. And the respect is also extended to this Ustaz’s seemingly similar friends… and that includes my fiancé. When the Ustaz one day told Ayah that he might have found a suitable candidate to fit Ayah’s requirement for a son-in-law, Ayah was really excited. So was Mak. Apparently, this guy is of the right age, the right family background (turned out that Ayah and my uncles have known his uncles a long while ago and have remained friends till today), the right academic qualification (a Masters degree from Al-Azhar), the right height with an added bonus – like this Ustaz, he’s also a hafeez. To cut a long story short – I agreed to get to know him better, with some view towards matrimonial. Like Mak said – I don’t have much to say against him. I have no ‘reasons’ left up my sleeve to say ‘no’ based on his on-paper ‘qualifications’. Besides, Mak and Ayah were really ecstatic about the prospect of adding a hafeez into the family, so much so that I had no heart to remind them then that he could be the one who said ‘no’. He did no such thing though. As unreal as it sounds in this day and time, four days after he had dinner (prepared and served by yours truly of course) with Ayah, he called Ayah, to let Ayah know that he believed that the result of his istikharah prayer was positive, hence he seeked Ayah’s permission to get to know me better and even acquired my number from Ayah. After getting to know him better via phone, after spending some time together, after the date of our engagement day, the time (high tea), other details on how many hantaran to be exchanged on that day and what-nots were agreed by both sides of family, plus me rushing to Ampang to get a loan of a nice cream-with-pink-and–yellow-embroidery jubah from a friend (her wedding jubah, actually), we finally were formally engaged on 19 September 2004. Oh dear, it’s been almost three weeks and I just realised that I haven’t send the jubah for drycleaning yet!

The Reason I Haven't Been Writing...

...is because I found myself very occupied with something.

However, after tossing with the idea for quite some time, at the expense of some readers shunning my blog for a while - like, maybe for the next two months or so - I've decided that it's better to blog about something that's really close to my heart than not writing at all

And right now, I'm really, really, really busy with preparing for my wedding.

I could empathise with Docteejay when he claimed that he found it a bit difficult to be creative in writing as the big day nears. At least this is the second time for him – for me though, my wedding is the first in my family, even the first among all my paternal cousins circle. So, everybody – and I mean, E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y in the family is focusing on this coming wedding. Heck – I even got a surprise call from a long lost bibik (helper) who heard my engagement news through her cousin who’s still working for an uncle in Bukit Rahman Putra… Talk about everybody…

Once, a colleague’s wife (yes, I know Derex personally, we used to work in the same division) advised a bride-to-be to plan the wedding a year ahead of time. I however, have less than three months from my engagement day to the wedding. So, that’s like getting just a quarter of the time many other girls get in preparing for their wedding… Actually, my family planned for the wedding to be held early next year – some time in late January or early February. After a few discussions with his family though, we agreed to meet halfway and thus the wedding is set to be held in December, insya Allah.

There are so many checklists to edit time and time again, so many things to buy, so many tasks to do, so many stuff to oversee that one could not help but feeling helpless at times. A boss reminded me again and again – to take extra good care of my health. Yes, this preparation thingy has taken its toll on me a few times – so far, I’ve already experienced a few severe headaches and a bad case of cold.

And things are bound to get… err, more interesting?

New Office, New Spirit... or not

There’s something about new office that could almost always draw a smile on one’s lips. The vibes, the ambience, the spotless desks, ala Ikea-styled (but rather stiff) chairs, pristine closets, stainless carpet – all contributed to the novelty of ‘rasmikan’ something sparkling new.

The office is more comfortable – larger room for most support staff, more spacious office for officers, and we could always rest our eyes on lots of greens in and around the building, as well as looking at the nice cute pond with sprinklers and a waterwall in the atrium. It’ll be extra cool to have a few Japanese carps in the pond. Really soothing.

And at last - we get a proper surau. Spacious, wall-to-wall dual-blended blue carpet, full length mirror, proper cabinet for the telekung, surah yaasin booklets, quran of various sizes, the works. Some guys have been taking the initiative to take turn becoming imam for Zohor and Asar prayers daily. I believe that the existence of this surau could invite more religious activities in the future, especially upon the arrival of this coming Ramadhan, insya Allah.

The building we are occupying is named LEO - not only in honour of our previous minister, but more because the building itself is equipped with energy efficiency features, hence Low Energy Office. The only of its kind in Putrajaya, a few officers had actually been trained to talk about the energy efficiency features for guided tour in and around the building.

I am a trained ‘tourist guide’ myself – and was asked to act as one of the three guides on duty when our first official visitors visited last Friday, a busload of Kedahan from Baling/Kuala Ketil. They let us know about their intention to visit us on a last minute notice – merely 4 hours before they arrived. Our KSU asked for three guides to be on stand by, and he specifically asked for Zaimy, Mohana and me. Instead of a lengthy explanation on materials used and all technical details about energy efficiency standard, thermal transfer, heat island effect, shading, thermal flue and stuff, we all cut the briefing short so as to ensure that the Muslim gents could be in time to pray Jumaat at Masjid Putra. Still, I was touched when the leader of the group proposed for an Ustaz who was among them to lead a doa selamat recital, upon learning that they were our first official visitors since our move to Putrajaya – may Allah bless them all.

They said that working in new office means that one should work with renewed spirit. Err, unfortunately, after almost three years of doing the same thing, I must admit that I don’t exactly feel that way about my job though. But at least, while all the PSMs and PPSMs are busy running here and there, ensuring that the Internet connection is working properly on every level, my colleagues and I could use Yahoo Messenger after a long absence. For now at least before they re-close some port or something…

Ayah's Love

I have never doubted that my father loves me unconditionally.

I have always known that – despite numerous misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, existence of generation gap and all.

And we had a lot of those - differences of opinion, disagreements and stuff. I have always been closer to Mak, preferring to sought Mak’s opinions out and listen to her advices.

Ayah is rather conservative – who believes that fathers are always right, to be obeyed at all times at all cost, no questions asked. He also has always put high expectations on my brothers and I – which could be really exasperating at times.

Like when I got mostly A’s for my SPM trial exam – Mak congratulated me and encouraged me to do better in the real exam. Ayah, on the other hand, asked, “Why didn’t you get all A’s?”

Then, there was that moment when I returned for summer break just before my final year in UK began. I was planning how to gently let Ayah know that I had been doing poorly during my second year as I found studying law was really, really depressing. Ayah however, had jumped upon the first chance when we had lunch together to enthusiastically discuss my ‘future plan’ which included getting a diploma in Syariah followed by practicing law with a respectable firm. I must had broken his heart when I announced that while I intend to finish the course and get a bachelor’s degree as a gift to both him and Mak, I had no intention whatsoever to climb up the ladder of success only to find later on that the ladder had been leaning on the wrong wall. I may love reading John Grisham books, but I just knew that my heart is not into practicing law.

Until today, from time to time, Ayah would mock me about taking the easy way out and not becoming a lawyer as he had planned, “anak Ayah ni penakut, tak nak masuk court…”

Still, I have always known that in his own ways, Ayah loves me.

#####

“Do you have any idea how much your Ayah loves you?”

“Sure, I know he loves me. I’m his only daughter,’ I quipped.

“No, seriously. Do you know that he has a high expectation on your future husband, that he has been searching all these years for someone who can protect, care for and love you wholeheartedly just so that he is assured that you will be in good hands and he no longer has to worry about you once you got married.”

‘Huh?”

“I can tell how much your Ayah really loves you every time we talk about you. I could sense his high hopes for me to take good care of you. Even your Ayah’s Ustaz said the same thing – your Ayah is not as worried about your brothers as much as he’s worried about you despite your apparent independence and all. I feel it was an honour to have gotten your parents’ blessings but I also know that with it, comes a great responsibility. I’m supposed to take care of the their eldest child, their only daughter, the apple of the father’s eyes. Your Ayah has agreed to entrust you into my care and he has every intention to see that I do a better job if not as well as he did, of caring for and protecting you”

Somehow, listening to that suddenly reminded me of long-suppressed childhood memories of Ayah...

When I was a toddler, Tok told me, often Ayah would be coming back home late at nights, took me out for a drive around the neighbourhood, let me play with the steering wheel for a while before tucking me back to sleep. He even installed a baby seater with a mock steering wheel next to the driver's seat for me.

When I was about six or seven, Ayah would still be coming back late, but would entertain Abang’s and my wish to go out and have some fried chicken and a bowl of banana split in a fast-food restaurant in Bukit Mertajam every now and then. We used to live in Kulim back then (and the Kulim-Butterworth expressway was not in existence then)

When I was about eight or nine and my family was in deep turmoil, Ayah did everything he could to ensure that Abang and I got to learn things our peers did despite missing going to school for almost a whole year. Still we did not miss that much as Ayah saw to it that we learn from the textbooks and still did our exercises.

When I was nine - perhaps partly due to my own naughtiness, and partly to the pressure I was subjected to - I had pneumonia. Initially Ayah thought it was a normal cold and fever case, so I was taken to a clinic. After visits to two other clinics in a span of one week and my condition did not improve, Ayah took me to the hospital - where I was immediately warded after being diagnosed of pneumonia. Ayah was the one who lost lots of sleep and had to spend more time away from his workplace to look after me as I was hospitalised for about a week. I remembered noticing how haggard he looked one day when he came to see me after work with a plastic of green apples in his hand. I remembered feeling thankful that I had Ayah who came to see me twice daily when a few of my neighbours seldom had any visitors coming to see them.

And all the moments when Ayah had to just get things done materialized in my mind. Flash shows of how Ayah had always proved that he’s the most reliable man around when it comes to saving stuff for last minute performance...

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And suddenly, all the quibbles I had had with Ayah in later years seemed so… trivial.

I have always known that Ayah loves me.
I have just never realised how deep and pure that love is from another man’s view.
I am glad that I do now...

Two Prayers

Promise me that nobody will take this too seriously, okay...
This one goes especially to my dear ahkak and kakaq... ;-p

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1. The Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

2. Prayer for Ladies

God, I pray for
wisdom, to understand a man;
love, to forgive him;
patience, for his moods;
Because God, if I pray for strength,
I'll just beat him to death.

Who really makes a difference in our lives?

Another forwarded e-mail to think about - really...

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Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
Name the last five Heisemann trophy winners.
Name the last five winners of the Miss World contest.
Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson?

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.

They are the ones who care.

Ice Cream for the Soul

A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes - provided one doesn't suffer from diabetes or tooth ache ;-)

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Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart." Then in theatrical whisper he added, indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing, "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."

- Anonymous

The 90/10 Principle

Sorry about posting more forwarded e-mails than usual lately.
A few reasons (excuses?):

1. We are moving to Putrajaya this weekend, so we're busy packing everything up... In fact I might not be posting anything tomorrow onwards until next week.

2. There's a personal big function coming up which makes me feel a bit - dysfunctional ;-) Yes dear friends (with whom I have been in touch lately), I am referring to that function la...

3. Even bloggers are entitled to our own bouts of bloggers' block, right?

So - here's an old forwarded e-mail re-received for your perusal

The 90/10 Principle

What is this principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.

After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why?
Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge! Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off. Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90/10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90/10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result?

Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
There never seem to be a success in life.
Bad days follow bad days.
Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.
There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time.
Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.
Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel.

Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.

It will change your life.

The wonders of Pulau Redang

Pearly white sandy beaches, crystal clear turquoise sea, brilliant underwater world, spectacular starry nights, breathtaking sunrise… Pulau Redang is all that – and more…

Some of the team-building course activities actually reminded me a little of my days in PAC - ice-breaker session, random grouping, brainstorming, a quickie performance, etc. The jungle trekking on the second day was quite easy – completed in just about an hour.

But my first experience of snorkelling at Teluk Kalong and Teluk Mat Delah was something else – notwithstanding the initial adjustment (felt like I’ve drank 3 gallons of salty sea water) of having to breathe using my mouth. To describe how it felt feeding various kind of fishes of various colours from my own hand and floating among them is beyond description – the wonder, the marvel of being among Allah’s beautiful underwater creation. Words do no justice to describe the fascinating marine critters of different shapes, sizes and colours amidst an assortment of coral tables. Yes, my first experience of snorkelling was almost perfect.

Snorkelling was not the only activity on my ‘first-time’ list during my first visit to Pulau Redang, There was that fun banana boat ride where we were purposely ‘drowned’ (after properly attired with life vest, of course) in the open sea. While most of us fell off the boat only once, two girls fell down twice and the only guy in the ride – the one seated at the end of the boat – fell down thrice. (On a scale of one to ten, the fear factor for the ride would be about 3 with all the twists and numerous attempts by the boat puller to unseat us) Then, I also tried out single kayaking for the first time ever. Shahri, my kayak partner during OBS training in Lumut a few years back would have been proud to note that I remember a few little tricks that he had shared back then.

I could go on and on and on about my short stay in Pulau Redang – so here’s a peek at what I saw and experienced… (minus the underwater wonderland…)

What we saw on the way to Pulau Redang from Merang

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Where we stayed in Pulau Redang



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Where I kayaked to



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Where we arrived upon finishing the hour-long jungle trekking



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One of the two boats that took us to the snorkelling bays



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All smiles! Mostly first-timers on Banana Boat... and most don't know how to swim



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Fear Factor= 3



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The four survivors (who only fell once)